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Hans Berlin wants everyone in his family to take DNA tests. He receives quite the shock when his cousin Declan Blake gets his results and realizes he's not actually related to Sean...at all.

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Thanks Allison, same to you.

Bitch.

Hey, guess what came in the mail today?

Uh, sense of style?

Ha ha ha.

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Ah, DNA results.

Bingo.

Let me guess, I'm not the father.

Dude, this is serious. It's about our family's ancestry and our health.

Yeah, whatever.

I'm lactose intolerant.

Oh, cilantro tastes like soap to me. That makes sense.

And I have a whole bunch of Neanderthal in me.

None of this is surprising.

Alright.

I think this shit's wrong.

Hmm?

Well...

On my list of family members, it's a bunch of strangers and not our actual family.

Like, look, this is my list of cousins and you're not even on it.

Yeah, this can't be right.

Wait.

You're not on my list of cousins either, but all of our other cousins are on it.

This doesn't make any sense.

My name's at the top, my social security number. What the fuck?

You know, let's just check the app. Maybe that's right.

Okay.

Huh.

Who are these people?

Maybe you're adopted or something?

Dude, I think I would know if I were adopted.

You know, just walk over to your parents and ask them.

Hey.

Hey.

That took a while.

Yeah, it turns out the test isn't wrong.

Wait.

What?

I'm adopted.

Shit, are you serious?

Why would I fuck around about this?

My God.

I can't believe my parents never told me about this.

...

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